Jokes!!!!!

[diazepan]

The teacher and the students are n the classroom and the teacher asks
- Who of you can tell me how to put a hole inside another hole?
Carmen raises her hand:
- I know how.
- "How?", asks the teacher.
Then, Carmen joins the thumbs with the forefingers of both hands doing a ring and then she leans them around her mouth.
- There, Mrs teacher, a hole into another hole.
- Good. And now, who knows how to put three holes in one hole?
Carmen raises her hand:
- Say, Carmen.
- The same as before, Mrs teacher, but this time we have to put the fingers around the mouth and the holes of the nose. So Mrs, three holes in one.
- Very good, Carmen. And now, who knows how to put five holes in one hole?
Carmen raises her hand again:
- Say, Carmen.
- Very easy, Mrs teacher. The same as before, but now we put the ingers around the mouth, the nose and the eyes. So, five holes in one".
Then, Jaimito who was getting tired with Carmen knowing it all, announces:
- Mrs teacher, I want to make a question: How to put NINE holes in one hole?
Nobody answers. Even Carmen stays quiet. Then, the teaher says:
- We don't know it, Jaimito, Explain us.
- Easy, you get a flute and you stick it up Carmen's ass!!!

[AxeMan]

Little Joe’s Birthday Present

For his birthday, little Joe asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
His father said, 'Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $280,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it.'
The next day the father saw little Joe heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, 'Son, where are you going?' Little Joe told him; 'I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling Mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm staying here by myself with a $280,000 mortgage & no bike.'

[Windy]

I like that one!

[danielle]

hahaha thats cute!!

[Windy]

I merged these two threads, since they are both jokes, we could just make this a joke thread. As a matter of fact, I have a joke that was emailed to me & I'm gonna go get it & post it up here.

[danielle]

Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen, were sitting naked in a sauna. Sudden;y there was a beeping sound. The young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at her questioningly. 'That was my pager,' she said. i have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, 'That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.'

The older woman felt very low-tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and wen tot the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said.......Well, will you look a that ...... I'm getting a fax!!

[FvckStick]

Three couples went to Las Vegas, and they spent most of their money so they rented a 2 bdr hotel for the night, one room for guys and one for the girls. At night, one guy is awake and tries to wake his friend telling him he had a really hard boner, to which the friend replies, what do you need me for? And the first guy says, I dont know dude, but I gotta go see my gf!! I ve never had a boner this hard!!
His friend tells him, well you better take me with you because what you have in your hand is my dick!


-----------

According to recent studies, the blow jobs is the healthiest breakfast! It cums with a sausage, 2 nuts and a protein drink.

[diazepan]

He used to work like an ass the whole week.... The one thing that made him happy was to know that the saturdays are for him.

As every saturday, he woke up early, he wore the right clothes and, trying to not make noise for not waking the spouse up,
he went out of the bedroom, then downstairs, for taking a fast breakfast, get to the car and go to the golf field.

He turned on the radio right in the moment of the weather news:

"Electrical storms and rains for the whole morning".

A face of anger filled his illusioned face and after thinking for a moment, he turned back and went back home.

He saved the car in the garage, went to the bedroom, took off his sports clothes, trying to not make noise,
for after to slide in the sheets and getting stuck to his wife's back and whispering her sweetly,
"darling, there's a horrible storm"....

And she, with her most sensual voice, answered him: "And the bastard of my husband, playing golf..."

[AxeMan]

Once upon a time in a small mountain village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.

The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys all around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought many thousands of monkeys at $10, but as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort.

He further announced that he would now buy monkeys at $20.
This renewed the efforts of the villagers, and they immediately started catching monkeys again. Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms.

So the offer was then increased to $25 each and soon the supply of monkeys became so little that it had become an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!

The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50 !

However, since he had to go to the city on some business, he left his assistant, who would now buy on behalf of him. In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has already collected. I will sell them to you at $35 ....and when the rich man returns from the city, you can sell them back to him for $50 each.'

The villagers rounded up all their savings and bought all the monkeys from the mans assistant, who then left to go bring the rich man back.


But, they never saw the man nor his assistant again .....only monkeys everywhere!

Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works!

[AxeMan]

'Y'know,' said the Scotsman, 'I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks he will buy the fifth drink for you.'

'Well,' said the Englishman, 'At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two!'

'Ahhh, that's nothing,' said the Irishman. 'Back home in Dublin there's
Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a
drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drinks they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house.'

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately scorn the Irishman's claims, but he swears every word is true. 'Well,' said the Englishman, 'Did this actually happen to you?'

'Not me meself, personally, no,' said the Irishman, 'But it did happen to me sister.'